Communication

If only I knew… I just don’t know …

Often, people come to therapy without knowing exactly why they are there. They can’t quite explain what brought them, or what makes it hard to express their feelings. If they could, they likely would have understood it themselves or would already shared it with someone they trust.

Instead, people remain silent, avoiding difficult conversations, afraid of being misunderstood and triggering conflict. Talking seems simple, but it isn’t. Communication is a skill that must be learned. It requires the hope that the listener will understand, especially in those vulnerable moments when the right words may not come easily and people are emotionally charged. Without that understanding, people can shut down, feeling unheard.

This is especially common among teenagers, whose brains are still developing, but it happens to adults as well.

Conversations often derail because we become emotionally overwhelmed. Our ability to communicate breaks down when our prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for higher thinking—gets overpowered by emotions, letting the limbic system take control.

In the midst of emotional conversations, we often don’t realize this is happening. Our biology, body, emotions, and thoughts become tangled, leaving us at a loss for words.

Therapy helps people become aware of this dynamic, easing the confusion in their own minds and in the relationships they are trying to build or repair. It empowers them to create a better quality of life, both socially and personally.

If only we were taught this from preschool onward.

Teens often say, "I don’t know." And many times, they really don’t. But they’re not alone. Adults frequently don’t know either. Therapy helps us communicate—first with ourselves, then with others.

We can learn an emotional language that empowers us to communicate, especially in moments of tension and conflict. Therapy provides this opportunity, to be curious and learn about our emotional language.